Who I AM
‘Who I am’ is growing into higher understandings of love, and shedding my ego, over and over again.
This year has by far been one of the most transformational years of my life. Not only because after living single-hood for seven years, did I begin to share my life with the love of my life; this was also the year of my Saturn return, the year I decided to mid-way put my business on hold so that I could formulate a sustainable plan ahead, and I’m realizing my 2018 was about Sustainable Love - in all realms of my life.
Love, when applied for oneself ripples into everything else, which in turn forges an ever flowing stream of energy and is the ultimate sustainable plan.
Yet it’s SO difficult to full-heartedly practice the art of Love.
Because this little dude named Ego has been living with us since the day our fears began to form, and it tries to protect us, and instead sabotages us and takes us further away from our truth - LOVE.
The art of choosing love is really the art of letting go of fear.
And it’s not about giving up, it’s about leveling up.
Leveling up your self worth, your ability to believe in yourself, your ability to have the courage to go deep into your shadow parts and enlighten them, your ability to state your needs in grace, your ability to be patient both with yourself and others, your ability to harness kindness over frustration, your ability to deeply listen instead of forcing your point across, your ability to be still before reacting.
All things I learnt during my time at Plum Village, a Zen Buddhist Monastery, and harnessed into my day to day life. And yet, no matter how much you harness the art of letting go as they teach in Zen practices, the journey, the lessons, are never ending. They merely show up in different forms, because as the great master Rumi wrote, “what you seek is seeking you.”
And nothing will test you more than your own evolutionary shift, especially when you’re in a relationship.
You started as one person, and suddenly you’re evolving so quickly into a higher version of yourself, yet you act out of fear because you’re scared of loss.
Loss of what?
The ego makes up all kinds of reasons, and it’s the epic human journey to sift through the ego and arrive back into the heart.
After a year of a love like I’ve never experienced before, I am arriving at a self love like I’ve never known before.
This Sustainable Love year has upgraded me into a space where I know who I am more than ever, which translates into being able to state my needs and not feel ashamed or scared to do so, because I’ve taken the time to internally ask myself what i need, and therefor when i state my needs they come from a space of love over neediness or fear.
It means that I embrace both my light and my dark, because to shame and be scared of the dark means that you are denying a part of yourself.
And it means that even though I may understand certain realities and truths, it’s not my job, duty, or even right, to interfere with someone’s journey, even if it’s the person you share your entire life with. Because to love means to trust, and to trust means that even if you may not always be speaking the same ‘language’ as someone else, there’s a higher purpose for the current misunderstanding that is in service to and for BOTH of you.
I’m not quite sure what 2019’s theme(s) will be, yet what I know for sure is that the gratitude, love, and trust, which has been growing steady in my heart, is at a capacity now that enables me to share and give in a manner that is sustainable and will no longer deplete me, because I’ve entered into a state of the Sacred Heart - where unconditional love lives freely.
I’m back home in Switzerland for a few days, taking in all the memories of my childhood here, integrating all the lessons of 2018, and manifesting all that I want to call in - in 2019.